The process of healing is reflective. I became acutely aware of how lucky I was to be complaining of a sprained knee that would heal on its own in a couple of months. What if I lost mobility completely someday and became reliant on a wheelchair? My husband and I also became very aware of the importance of our natural division of labour in our marriage. I do all the grocery shopping, all the cooking, all the bathroom cleaning. He makes all the money, takes out the trash and cleans the kitchen after I've made all the mess. Now, with me unable to even carry a glass of water to the couch (crutches are the worst!), my husband was doing everything - working full-time, cleaning, shopping, helping me with the most basic things...he was a stressed-out saint.
Perhaps the most frustrating part of the healing process is the unanswerable question "when will I be healed?" Google didn't even know. I had worked hard to get into shape and was proud that with my 5K Runner app, I was halfway to my goal and running 2.5 km. A few weeks later, my body felt heavy and weak. I was eating a lot of takeout to simplify my husband's life and I was angry with myself for stopping at McDonald's at all that fateful Saturday afternoon. Who needs roadtrip fries?!
At some point in my frustrated healing process, I decided that I needed to be kinder to myself. I wish I could write that it was a specific moment of epiphany, or that I was reading Hippocrates and said, "By God, he is right, "Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity" (emphasis mine). But that wouldn't be quite true. I can't remember what made me think it - but I decided that I needed to be kind to myself through my healing, treat my body like a temple, and if I had to start back at the couch when I began to run again, then so be it.
I also decided I needed to be kinder to others. TBH, I mostly complained to my husband about how crappy it was that I was injured, instead of thanking him for every single thing that he did for me while I was injured. Once I was back walking with a minor limp, I began delivering groceries to isolated seniors in my community. This got me out of the apartment, walking and visiting with people whose mobility issues were long-term. It put my knee injury in perspective and I felt grateful that I'm only 28 and I will heal just fine, in time. Others do not have that luxury.
A couple of weeks ago I put on my running shoes and gingerly began running again. Sure, I could have started where I left off and ran 2.5 km my first day back just to prove that I could. Or, I could treat my body with respect and kindness and start off slow to make sure I didn't reverse all my patient healing. This morning I did my fifth run in the workout series. I'm nowhere near 2.5 km, but my knee doesn't hurt and I think that is the most important thing.
Slow and steady wins the race, after all.
Fight Song - Rachel Platten
