If you ever read this, I just want you to know that you have written the book I wish I had written. I am incredibly envious that you got to spend time traveling North America and interviewing people for this book. You wrote, what I consider, a masterpiece of cultural studies - not that I am any kind of expert able to bequeath the title, but I did write a cultural study of Harry Potter fans for my Master's thesis, so I have an idea of how much work went into this. I bow my hat to you.
-Heather
Now, without further ado, my review and thoughts on Homeward Bound, by Emily Matchar.
A few months ago, I filed my taxes with the IRS, which seems kind of silly, because I am not yet allowed the work in the USA (fingers crossed for that green card), but it's kind of a requirement and I'm terrified of American prisons. I had to fill out the "employment" field and I sighed. I told the accountant, "I have an H4 visa...therefore no employment". So he promptly filled in "housewife". Every hair stood up on the back of my neck. Like every single hair. But really, that is what I am. I'm married, I'm on a spousal Visa and I sit at home most of the day cooking and cleaning - so really, what is a housewife if not a wife who spends the majority of her time in the house? I am a housewife. I. Am. A. Housewife. The words weighed heavy on my mind.
Why does this word bother me so? Is it because I don't yet have children, so I feel embarrassed to be staying at home with very little responsibility? (yes) Is it because I was really looking forward to getting into a career in business analysis and that dream seems awfully distant now? (yes) Is it because my Barbies growing up had dazzling careers (Doctor Barbie, Business Barbie, Astronaut Barbie, Scientist Barbie) and there was no such thing as Housewife Barbie (well at least not in the 90s)? (probably).
I thought about this for months. I spoke with other H4 visa holders about their frustrations being forced housewives. Frankly, it was dragging me down, and all the negativity made me feel invaluable, useless and a general drain on society. So I started volunteering to bring groceries to isolated seniors and I volunteered to tutor a child in grade 4 in reading comprehension. I also decided that if I'm a housewife, then I am going to be the best damn housewife the world has ever seen. I went to the library and took out some books by Martha Stewart and stumbled upon Emily Matchar's Homeward Bound in the stacks.
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| Cooking some chicken, like a boss. |
Now clearly, the title of best damn housewife the world has ever seen has already been crowned to Martha herself, and I became quickly discouraged. I don't want to spend my day vacuuming blinds, canning tomatoes I grow on my apartment deck, and making pillow mints. In fact, the amount of financial investment I'd have to make in order to be a "frugal housewife" was insane and I don't have anywhere to store massive bags of flour or a canning pot. I gave up on Martha and cracked the spine of Homeward Bound, and let me say, I was mesmerized.
I loved how Emily talked about all of the things that I was seeing with my friends who have had children, things I was seeing on Pinterest, blogs I was reading. For instance, mommy blogs, websites like Etsy or Ravellery, the overwhelming number of opinions on food I should put in my body.
I love how while she was exploring the positive things that have come from the New Domesticity (like keeping quilting alive), she kept a realistic tone much like my own - "Really?! This is a thing people actually do?"
Emily discussed some of my own misgivings about the wave of women leaving the work force and the guilt that I felt when, sometimes, I actually love staying home and having the time to cook nutritious meals for myself and my husband. Gradually I realized that my initial reaction to being called a "housewife" was because I felt it was a category for myself that I did not choose. I felt forced into the role because of my pending work visa situation, which to me resembles what women forced out of the work force at the end of World War II to become the quintessential 50s housewife must have felt.
In truth, being a housewife is a pretty sweet gig. It gives me the freedom to do a lot of the things that I love - read, write, cook, volunteer, but I wish I, like the women in Emily's book, had the option to choose when I want to take on this role as opposed to being forced out of the workforce due to federal immigration laws or having a baby (and the related, terrible, American maternity provisions).
I am grateful that my husband's job supports us both and that it allows me to help out others in need. To me, that is what modern housekeeping is all about - building a home away from home where I can welcome others into my life with open arms.
