One thing that I haven't mentioned yet is that I have only recently moved to Silicon Valley as my husband is here working in the tech industry. Unfortunately this means that I am on an H4 visa and unable to work for the time being.
As a way to deal with the incessant boredom of being at home all day, every day, I have tasked myself with a few different projects:
1) Work on my business analysis certificate online
2) Complete Master's level courses in Non-Profit Leadership and Philanthropy
3) Write a blog
4) Volunteer
5) Make some friends
To tackle project #5, make some friends, I have joined some Meetup groups on Meetup.com, namely the H4 spouses support group in the San Francisco bay area. So far I've been to one meetup and have RSVPd to a book club meet up with these women to discuss Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In", which is a book I've been meaning to read anyways.
Honestly, I found this book depressing in some ways and uplifting in others. Even though Sheryl is an inspirational female leader who has managed against the odds to have a successful career and reach the all-mystical corporate executive suite, we can't all be Sheryl. Despite my belief that I have a lot of the leadership qualities and the same delicate balance of self-assuredness and complete insecurity that Sheryl seems to have, I will likely never be one of these women as I am currently taking off x years off my career to move to the USA, be with my husband, and wait for a green card.
I agree with Sheryl's advice of "Don't Leave Before you Leave" but at the same time, it makes me sad because the truth is that I have left and I feel as if I have disappointed myself even though the reasons I left the work force are excellent reasons and I would make the same decision again and again. I left for love and for the possibility of a family, which are both something I want more for myself than the chance at a successful and lauded career. It would be nice to have both though. Therefore, in the meantime, I will continue to professionally develop through projects 1-5 and hope that one day I can also have work-life balance.
So what did I learn from Sheryl and how can I apply it in my life?
"Sit at the Table"
I really like the idea of "sitting at the table", perhaps because I have never been one to sit in the corner of the room and not speak up. In fact, I was that person in your class that you wished would just put her hand down. And while I rarely have a hard time speaking my mind in a room full of people. I often beat myself up for it later, wishing I hadn't said anything at all because I probably sounded like an idiot. Sitting at the table is more than just speaking up at work - it also means allowing myself to feel that I do positively contribute to discussion and I have good ideas that I should take credit for.
On Promotions and Leaving before you Leave
I will admit that in the past I have not applied for promotions because I did not want my boss to have the struggle of having to say "no". I have also not applied for promotions despite my skills and experience because my employer knew that I was in a serious long-distance relationship (which I told them in my efforts to be personable and well-liked), and therefore I thought they would think I was not worth the investment. I left for California before I even left. Again, I don't regret the decision to move to California - but what skills and experiences could I have gained had I not left before I left? What could I have contributed to the organization had I been challenged up until the day I cleaned out my desk, instead of coasting in a job that I could do with my eyes closed?
"It's a Jungle Gym not a Ladder"
This concept was completely freeing and yet not at all surprising because life is just like a jungle gym. I find it fascinating to look back on my life up to now, wondering how it is that I got here: all the people I dated who taught me what I needed (and didn't need) in a life partner, the courses I took or didn't take in university, the jobs I found interesting enough to apply for and the jobs I didn't apply for but maybe could have gotten. I like the idea that life is a series of choices that lead you down one path or another...not necessarily better or worse in all cases, but just different. I also like the idea that there is more than one way to achieve a desired outcome and that that desired outcome does not have to be the "top". As a kid, I was happy just hanging upside down 3 feet off the ground and maybe it's okay to hang there for now and then explore a different part of the jungle gym later on. We do not all have to be the king of the castle or a dirty rascal.
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